I would not, could not, ride a BMW C1

As the chair of this session I will start. On my walk to work this morning I got beeped at by BMW's C1 scooter whilst crossing the road. This, my most detested mockery of two-wheeled transport, beeped at me for no reason whatsoever but what angered me more was the pitiful horn the BMW has, it was a roadrunner like ‘meep’. Thankfully I wasn’t far from work so was able to calm my frustration at this two-wheeled confusion by finding the above video.

However, this whole event got me thinking. Is it possible to actually improve this monstrosity to motorcycling? So what could be done to it, I decided on two options for modification, a race style and high-end executive transport.

For the race inspired C1, my mental drawing board produced a masterpiece of sporting design. Ultimately, the roof would be chopped in an aid to save weight and the dull seat replaced with a bucket race seat with a four-point harness. Paint scheme is difficult to decide upon but looking back the Gulf paint job of the Le Mans GT40 must surely improve the bodywork of the C1. A low-slung MotoGP look exhaust is the order of the day to improve whatever it is that BMW call protruding from the side of the C1.

The executive edition that I am proposing will be the epitome of upper class, that the scooter would be more appropriately renamed as the Class-1. I think it is important to keep with a theme of removing the roof, but in this case it would be replaced with a soft-top convertible roof. Interior will be complete mahogany, with the softest brown leather imaginable for the seat – massager optional of course.  Externally what the C1 to improve it’s looks is a smattering of chrome to highlight the dark green metallic paint.

With my rant over, I’m curious to hear what bikes really grind your gears and what you would do to, A: destroy them or, B: improve them. Answers below.

By Robin Goodwin