Exclusive interview with the Pope

The Pope, graciously took ten minutes out of his hectic Third World Tour of an aggressively atheist county to speak to us of his recently publicised passion for motorcycles

So, Jo, you like your bikes?

‘Ja, Very much. I haff liked motorcycles since a very early age during my time in ze Hitler Youth organisation, in fact. Happy days, indeed. Ve used to ride around ze wild flower meadows in Dachau on my friend’s Zundapp und sidecar.’

And what is your favourite motorcycle?

‘I very much like ze Boxer BMW – such a pure and simple design. Ze valve gear is easily accessible and as I like to do my own tappets, ziss iss very important to me. Vot better place to position the cylinder heads than in ze airflow. I used to defend the BMW factory during ze vor viss ein anti-aircraft gun you know?’

But didn’t some bloke from Ducati just give you a pair of Multistrada 1200s?

‘Ja. Ziss voss a great disappointment to me and my aides. Somevone told me I voss being given two BMW R1200-GSAs. I even blagged myself an Arai Tour-X in readiness and zen, ziss. Not von but two Ducatis. Gott in Himmel. I know I haff to live in Rome now, but how am I supposed to shim ze opening and closing rockers with only my rudimentary papal workshop facilities and Halfords feeler gauges?

So you like to do your own maintenance?

‘Ja. Ven time allows, I like nussink better than to tinker around in my workshop. I’m supposed to be celibate you know. Vot else is a man to do?’

The interview was then rudely interrupted by a tramp and three angry pro-abortion lobbyists. The Pope made his excuses and left

By Our Vatican Correspondent